Ashes, cinders or coals

What are those yearning wishes for yourself? Hopes and dreams. A statement. But potentially filled with so many emotions. Whether positive or slightly charged with drudgery as it might be unfulfilled. Or worse: shattered!

We all had those dreams and hopes when we were teenagers, of how we imagined life will turn out for us. Somewhere along the way we lost track of those or dumped it on the wayside, due to many unforeseen reasons or simply because of changed expectations or circumstances. In other words, those external factors. Likewise, those ever-present internal reasons too. Now, those are a completely different ball game altogether. These internal reasons are often times the deciding factor.

I myself, had many dreams. Let’s just leave it at that for now, I will come back to it in a bit through sharing the process I used.

A couple of years back I was asked this exact question, what is there that I want for myself? This question was posed by a very dear and close friend, who honestly at the time, just started to know me. His question “What is there that you want for yourself?” rocked my foundation. At first, I was utterly flabbergasted and at a loss for words, so I answered world peace, a cure for cancer, and no child ever being abandoned without love, food, or shelter. For every animal to have a loving home. That no woman ever must experience the need to fight for her dignity, life, or those of her children. He replied that these are all noble, yet the question remains unanswered.

I was startled. Dumbfounded even. As I was unable to verbalize any dreams or wishes for myself. Till today I can hear his words ringing in my ears. I have, however, learned to verbalize my dreams and wishes since then. It took me a couple of years though. And believe me, there are many. Like, am sure this is the case with you all too.

I had this very same conversation with a dear friend of mine only recently. And to my astonishment, she spat out almost the same words to me. During our conversation, it dawned on me that though each person’s reasons might be different as to why their dreams were not fulfilled or abandoned, each person I spoke to from there on, had to some degree, a pile of hopes and dreams that lay in the ashes. We all have those hopes and dreams for ourselves, the ones that we are too scared to pursue for whatever reason…

Maybe it is time to rekindle them. Is it even possible? How do you reignite those dreams and hopes if you are wanting to? A few things that sprang out at me whilst exploring the topic with friends were things like activities you love doing the most, your passions in life, identifying those things that you are good at, do not listen to those voices in your head that constantly criticize and degrade, adapt to a growth mindset through welcoming failure, removing paralyzing barriers, replace your triggers with banners of pride, confront your fears consistently, show up for yourself, create support networks and above all, never give up. After all, it is mind over matter. If you can dream it, you can do it.

These passions, desires, dreams, and hopes are your internal heartbeat, giving you a purpose, your life’s purpose. Your reason to wake up in the morning.

This is the process I followed to put it down on paper. Some sort of a working document if you will. The process is easier than you think. Is it the best process, probably not. Is it the only way to do it, again no! Is it a start at putting it down on paper, yes! And for that reason alone, making a start on it and seeing it in writing, I suggest my way. Get yourself a notebook (yes, I am old school, pen, and paper. And no it most definitely does not have to be pretty, just functional.).

1. On the first page, make a list of your hopes and dreams. (You might find that they are actually related in some form or shape)

2. On the second page let’s delve into getting to know yourself better. Draw three overlapping circles, (many models are available on the internet) and label the three circles, respectively skills, opportunities, and interests. The part where they overlap will be your ‘destiny”.

3. Now choose your destiny and what it is that you want to pursue (with some luck it might already be on your list of hopes and dreams).

4. On the fourth page write down those barriers which stand in your way.

5. On the fifth page, make a list of skills you need to explore and acquire.

6. On the sixth page (yeah, some positivity!) what do you possess right now that will help you reach your goals.

7. On the seventh page start getting some goals down, sort of like a timeline, when are you starting, with what you have currently.

8. On the eighth page write down your fear, somehow seeing it in writing makes it less fearful.

9. On the ninth page write down what will have the biggest impact when starting.

From here on it will be very personal and each person’s process will be different according to their dreams… Here you have to get those specific things on paper, such as the timeline for achieving consistent progress, how are you going to measure success, the steps you want to follow to achieve success, etc. And how will you feel when you achieved success in making your dreams (or at least one of them) a reality.

I hope this will help to at least get your thoughts on paper and start.

You deserve to rekindle these dreams and hopes, and frankly, the world needs you to have them, so you can be that beacon of hope that ignites others’ hopes and dreams and make them come alive. It’s never too late to focus on your dreams. No matter where you are coming from your dreams are valid. The key component and a very hard pill to swallow is dreams don’t work unless you do…Overcome your fear and remove those barriers that stand between fulfilment and your dreams.

One last thought if it is not scaring you, it is not big enough! Now off you go, go make it happen! And if you still wonder where to start and the internet is not of any help, send me a mail I will help you through the process, even if only as an accountability partner.