Drains or Plugs

Have you ever really thought about this? Who is your Tribe? Who are the people that get you?

I have been blessed with amazing people in my life. But then I was also blessed with numerous lessons. These lessons remain with me, and I often think about how I did not read the signs earlier. Those who administered such a severe shock to your system that it rocked your world and shattered your foundation. I am ever grateful for those, as they taught me what I never want to be, who I never want to be, and why I never want to be like that. The ones that are jealous of you and not really wanting the sun to shine over you, the ones who just connect so they can get juicy bits to go run their mouth on, the ones that don’t really care and never apologize if they deliberately disrespected your boundaries. The ones that gossip about you, because they cannot stand the sun shining for you.

Those, however, are not the ones I want to talk about today! Simply because they are not my tribe. And frankly never will be again. Chances are if I cut you off, you probably handed me the scissors or you kicked me away one too many times and I chose to remain where you left me, as realization finally dawned. Am I missing you, probably not, because my peace of mind is too expensive at this point in my life. You showed me what you were, and I agreed. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you choose to let go of those ones to preserve your peace of mind and energy. It is called self-preservation. Heck, if you do not look out for yourself with these people they will surely not do it for you…

The Bunch I want to celebrate, however, are those that are there for you, not in a get-the-juicy-bits way, nope, they are there for you. If you call them up in the middle of the night and ugly cry, sobbing, mascara stripes over your cheeks, and snot all over your face and shirt, they will take you in and hug you so tight all your pieces will fall back together. Those ones are the ones that truly matter. The ones who sing your song when you forget the tune and lift your wings when you forget how to fly. The ones who will raise you up and make you more. Those that do not drain your energy. Those who make you want to be more, do better, and love yourself more. Those are my people.

When I am with you, you revitalize me! I do not have to guard what I say because you get me and won’t take offense or give any because we understand each other. Your tribe is your biggest cheerleaders, and if called up will tell you exactly what is going on in your life. They know the ups and downs. They know when you tell the “I’m okay“-lie… Just because they know you better than yourself.

Your tribe is the people who will keep you accountable and do not take nonsense from you, they will tell you the truth, but privately. Yet publicly they will have your back. A superb sense of solidarity and camaraderie. Words that come to mind are affection, agreement, closeness, devotion, goodwill, harmony, intimacy (no, not the sexual type), love, alliance, affinity, understanding, society, amiability, association, like-mindedness, attachment, friendship, rapport, familiarity, and fondness.

Those people who, when you need to work through something, will be the ones that hear every detail in its unedited form, whom you will wait to discuss this burning matter with, even if it takes weeks due to unforeseen circumstances. The people that will merely by listening, help you close off, sort through, desensitize, manage the issue, and lock it away.

Your tribe is the people who cheer you on, that drag you with them, that shout the loudest not expecting anything in return, encourage you, motivate you, and spur you on without you asking. They give as much (if not more) than they actually take.

Your people are a bunch of uniquely characterized people who found you, without you looking for them. It’s like sort of a silent pact was made, somehow manifesting this unbreakable fusion and establishing this strengthened league of warriors that actually look out for each other, where there is no leader or captain running the show, where peace is at the center and energy is bouncing around, not draining the life out of you.

Those are my people. No, I do not have a crowd of them surrounding me, because I believe in quality over quantity. My circle really got small, and I prefer it that way. An African proverb rings true: “if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go with your friends”.

So ask yourself: “Are your tribe plugs or drains”?

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